GAL Magazine - Advice

Advice

Well, I'll Tell You . . .

Advice from an average girl

By Kit Sheppard

Q. Things aren’t going well in our relationship, and I’m pretty sure a break up is imminent. Who gets the dog?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…This depends on several different things, try to keep the dog’s needs first. I’m sure you both love it, but don’t try to keep it out of spite. If you are in a 1 bedroom apartment, and your other half has a townhouse with a yard, let Rover have the yard. If your partner works crazy hours and is never home and you were the primary care provider because you were there more, then the pooch is probably better off with you. Discuss it calmly and rationally with your mate and try to keep what’s best for the dog at the forefront of the convo.

Q. There’s a super-hot chick at work that I’ve been dying to ask out. We’ve had a few brief conversations, and she’s really funny; she likes sports and her current events don’t revolve around what Britney and Paris did last weekend. Thing is, she has a bit of a reputation around the office (let’s just say it’s no secret how many tattoos she has!). Before I found out that she got around, I was really interested. Is it a bad move?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…First, whatever happened to not fishing where you swim? It’s a bad decision (but one that is often made) to “fraternize” with co-workers. Whether what you’ve heard is true or exaggerated (you know how you guys can ‘stretch’ the truth about your conquests!), I would advise against it. If you date her and find that she is an amazing girl and want to pursue a relationship, you then have to regularly come face to face with guys that she’s allegedly been with. Guys that, per you, know all about the most intimate details of your potential lady love. I can’t imagine that going over well. But, if you must dip your pen in company ink, practice the utmost discretion, many companies frown upon interoffice romances (their reasoning: when you’re at work and the apple of your eye is 3 cubicles away, you can’t be productive, and when you get dumped by someone that’s 3 cubicles away, no one can be productive!. A true gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell (nor does he listen when others kiss and tell, but who doesn’t love gossip, so I’ll get off your case!). If you really like her, and you know she likes sports and such, ask her if she wants to grab beer and watch ‘the game’ (I don’t know which one, but there’s always one on) at a local sports bar. If you’re serious about pursuing this, try to get to know her well first (which any of us should do before getting into a serious relationship anyway). Because if things proceed, you’re gonna need a strong foundation for what you’ll be up against when it’s time to deal with the guys at work, and if things don’t go further, you have someone else to hang out and watch games with, no harm no foul.

Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, and I’m ready to move to the next level- moving in together. How do I get my boyfriend to go along with it?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…Moving in together is a huge step, and, unless done for the right reasons, can have dreamlike (♫ Going to the chapel and we’re gonna get ma-a-arried ♪) or disastrous (‘Yes, officer, I would like to get a restraining order’) results. At some point in most relationships, it will eventually come up. There are a few things to consider, before any (irreversible- cause let’s face it, either way, there’s no turning back) decisions are made. First, there’s the matter of who presents the subject. This is similar to the ‘I love you’ issue of who said it first. If you ask him, you wonder, “Was he thinking it, too? Did he really want to, or did he say yes because I asked him, or did he want to already and was just waiting for me to bring it up”. It’s tricky because you’re putting your cards on the table, and it’s always scary to make yourself so vulnerable when you don’t know what the answer will be. What threw up a blue flag for me (what, I have to use a red flag?) was your phrasing. If you have to get him to ‘go along’ with it, then maybe, deep down, you know he’s probably not ready for that, yet. This, like marriage, is something that you can’t force. If you’re both not up for it, don’t try to convince him or change his mind.

And, make sure it’s for the right reasons. When my boyfriend and I were just beginning to date, we both mentioned that we wouldn’t want to live with anyone until we were married. Fast forward a couple of years, we are both having financial struggles and his lease is coming to an end. I immediately feel conflicted because we can move in and save a good bit of money, but it would be going against what we both believed in. All that to say, if you’re doing it to save money, or because you want it to lead to something more, or because you feel that you can keep tabs on him, or any reason other than wanting to get to the next level together, it’s probably not the right move. But, to answer your question, make it a whole weekend event. Make him dinner (nice, hearty, comfort foods), rent movies (a mix of comedies and action flicks- end on a comedy), and, at the end of the weekend, as your lounging around, on Sunday afternoon, say how much you love just spending time with him and how well you fit together, you couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Mention how you hate that you both always have to cart your things back and forth, and it would be so much easier if it were all together. This is just the lead in, but after he’s been relaxed and nurtured all weekend, it’s as good a start as any. Good luck, and if it doesn’t end with your mail in the same box as his, it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want to get more serious with you, he could just need more time.
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Well, I'll Tell You . . . Advice from an average girl is written by Kit Sheppard. If you would like to submit questions or request advice from Kit please email her directly at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Well, I'll Tell You . . .

Advice from an average girl

By Kit Sheppard

Q. Recently my boyfriend started working out all the time and I feel like I never see him anymore. I’m happy that he has found a pastime that he has really gotten into, but he goes every night, and every morning on the weekends. I’m starting to feel like he’s trying to keep away from me. What do you think?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…First of all, is he gay? My best friend is gay, and he’s totally obsessed with his body. That aside, maybe you should offer to go with him sometime. A little extra cardio never hurt anyone (well, I’m sure it’s hurt someone, maybe the elderly, but generally speaking, Americans are grossly overweight on the whole, it wouldn’t hurt any of us to get in a little extra activity!). If you take interest in what he likes to do, he may see it as a sign of support, and it would be something you could do together from time to time. If he freaks out, and is opposed to the idea of you tagging along, maybe he’s not going to the gym at all, or there’s someone else that’s getting his heart pumping. Just be honest with him and tell him that you feel like you’re not getting enough quality time with him.

Perhaps the two of you can set aside a specific time each week to do something together. But if he blows your concerns off, it may be a deeper issue involved. Don’t do anything rash, but don’t be naïve about things either. If says he’s in the gym everyday, and doesn’t look like he’s been to the gym everyday, there may be something else he’s getting into on a regular basis.

Q. A girl that used to be just a booty call to my boyfriend calls him all the time. He says they’re just friends, but I’m not comfortable with it. What should I do?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…I had to deal with this very thing a few years ago when my boyfriend and I got together. I was torn between my insecurity from her frequent calls and my desire to not be a controlling girlfriend. Perhaps you should talk to him and let him know how you feel. He’s going to say something along the lines of either A) we’re just friends now, you don’t have anything to worry about I’m with the person that I want, or B) I don’t tell you who can and can’t call you and I expect to be treated the same way. I don’t try to dictate your friends.

If his reply is A, then you should let him know that you understand that he wants to maintain the friendship, and you trust him, but you don’t know or trust her. It’s sad, but some women don’t respect the relationships of others, and she won’t care that he’s seeing someone else. Let him know that you’re not comfortable with her constant calling and would appreciate if he limited his contact with someone he used to have no strings attached sex with. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and you were talking to an ex all the time. If his reply is B, he’s probably still harboring some sort of lust for this woman, and you should let him know that if he respects you and the relationship as much as he respects his relationship with her, he will try to make some sort of compromise. If he still wants to keep her around, it may be time for you to leave him alone.

Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We have had our share of problems; I cheated in the beginning, but we’ve moved past it. My problem is that my girlfriend’s roommate has started making passes at me, and she makes comments that make me uncomfortable (she’s even said that she overheard my girlfriend and I getting busy and it turned her on!). What do I do? My girlfriend and I have built our trust back, but it’s still delicate; I don’t want her to think I have been up to no good with her roommate

A. Well, I’ll tell you…You should have told her the very first time her skanky roommate tried to make a move on you (but you didn’t so we won’t harp on that)! You have to tell your girl what’s going on, and fast. It could go one of two ways. 1) She believes you and rips her roommate a new one, and both of you are stronger than ever. At some point, she may ask you exactly what happened and she’ll want to know if you were into the roommate or considered giving in to the temptation- be strong, reassure her that it never crossed your mind (even if the roommate is a super hot lingerie model, no, especially if the roommate is super hot- in fact, tell your girlfriend that you felt sorry for the roommate that she had to go so low to try to get a guy’s attention!). Scenario 2 depends solely on how close your girl and her roommate are. You rat the roommate out, she denies it and plays the BFF card. She may even turn the tables and say you hit on her and cite the fact that you’ve cheated in the past (which is why you should’ve told your girl as soon as this happened, but whatever). If this happens, it’s pretty much your word against the skank’s. Then, it’s all a matter of how well you have rebuilt the trust in the relationship.

I will mention that it may not even have anything to do with you. Sometimes, when girls are mad, it gets really ugly, and hitting below the belt happens. The roommate may be pissed at something your girlfriend did and is using you to fight dirty. My advice to your girlfriend is to get a new roommate, preferably a loyal, unattractive one (but be careful, this may be her opportunity to try and move in with you!)
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