“But how do you know he won’t cheat on you?”

It was a valid question, and given the situation, one I had asked myself several times. Let me explain.

I had been with my then boyfriend; we’ll call him Pete, for a little almost a year. We had dated a few times, in the past, and we had decided that this time we were going to make a serious go of it. I’ll admit that it wasn’t a passionate relationship, but we were both getting to the age of settling down and we had known each other for years. It seemed like the natural progression of things that we were on the track to matrimony. Then I crossed paths with an old flame, ‘Eric’, and I started to rethink my plans.

Eric was none of the things that Pete was. At first, it was just a phone call here or there. Then he came over, in the middle of the night, just for a quick visit (and, honestly, nothing happened). But, I wanted something to happen. I was beginning to remember what it was like to have spontaneity and excitement in my life. Not just to be going through the same monotony, day in and day out. And yes, it did eventually get physical with Eric; I won’t lie and say I waited until after Pete and I were over.

This is the point in the story where any woman who is looking for a good man will say that as hard as it is to find a good honest man that wants to get married and settle down, how dare I break his heart. And they would be right. I try not to judge anyone’s actions, but I have wondered how a woman could throw away a good relationship for a roll in the hay. What’s more, I’ve been cheated on before, and know how much that betrayal hurts. But, the lure of passionate exchanges, mixed with the excitement that comes along with a new adventure, had me torn and confused. It wasn’t just a physical sort connection. Eric and I were really bonding and connecting in a way that Pete and I hadn’t.

I tried to break things off with Eric. I wanted to give Pete one more chance. I thought that maybe I wasn’t giving him or our relationship a fair shot. So what if the sex wasn’t amazing (all of his moves were as predictable as watching synchronized swimming! Right down to the commentary!). When I was so up in the air about what to do, only one thing was clear. Pete wasn’t the guy for me, and just because I was quickly approaching the big three-oh, was no reason for me to try to convince myself to be in a lifeless relationship just for relationship’s sake. I realized that regardless of what would happen with Eric, I had to release my hold on Pete. The same way that I deserved a vibrant, fulfilling relationship, so did he. So, I broke it off with him.

Eric and I have tried to make a go of things. It hasn’t been a stroll in the park; every couple has ups and downs. But, almost three years into it, the ups vastly outweigh the occasional down, and we really fit together in a way that I never have with anyone else. So, when friends who know about our beginning ask how I could trust him, really how we could trust each other, it used to bother me. I used to think surely karma will bite me in the ass. But, the truth of the matter is that I can’t live my life in fear that the past will come back on me because I cheated on Pete. If that’s the case, then surely I have earned some karma credit from all the heartaches.

I don’t know what will happen with me and Eric, but I know that we have made a commitment to each other to trust one another and have open communication at all times. There have been moments of doubt, but because we remain honest with each other, we have established a very strong bond. When friends ask how we can trust each other, I simply tell them that no one has a guarantee on what will happen, but that’s what trust is about. We both know where we’ve been in the past, and have made a conscious decision to move forward together without the cloud of ‘what if’ hanging over us. I know that cheating was a horrible thing to do to someone, but when I consider the relationship that I would’ve missed out on, and what my life would be like, had I stayed with Pete, I think I made the right choice for me. Do I support cheating? Not at all. If I could do it over, without hurting Pete, would I? Certainly. Do I regret what I have with Eric? Not one bit.

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Kit Sheppard is a 29yo hayseed from Snow Hill, NC, who enjoys writing and baking, and is a beginning knitter(but can only make scarves), and has been descibed by many as 'the one who got away' (particularly by law enforcement!).