Advice from an average girl.

By Kit Sheppard

Q. I just got engaged have been in joyful bliss over it a little too long. Now I need to start planning, like yesterday! What’s the best way to get started and get organized? My mom and some of my friends are trying to be really helpful, but I don’t want them to take over. Help!

A. Well, I’ll Tell You…Congratulations! It’s good to just enjoy being engaged sometimes, planning can be a very big undertaking and sometimes a little breather beforehand is good. It’s great that you recognize that it’s your day and you don’t want anyone to take over, sometimes moms and friends get so caught up in what they envisioned that they forget that it’s not their day. Just make sure to show appreciation and take advantage of all the help that’s being offered.

Planning can be a difficult and consuming process, depending on the size of the event. Decide on the date, the location, and then the dress. After you know the when and where, picking the dress will be easier, since you can visualize the atmosphere and how the dress will look (if you fall in love with a full, floor-sweeping tulle gown and 5 foot train, then decide to get hitched on the beach, your dress will be wrecked!). I think that once the when, where, and wear are picked, everything else will fall into place much more easily.

Lastly, keep in mind, no matter what, it’s your wedding. Make sure that you have a great time, the day will be over before you know it; don’t waste it being upset if it’s not as perfect as you have planned, down to the napkins and matchbooks. The most important detail (hopefully) is that you’re marrying the man that you want to spend the rest of your life sharing a bathroom with!

Q. After a recent visit to my doctor, I was left feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I just started seeing a new gynecologist, and, after the examination, told me that I was healthy, but shouldn’t have had so many partners for my age, and I need to slow down. I would expect that from my mom, not my doctor. Is that appropriate?

A. Well, I’ll Tell You…I certainly do think that your Dr.’s comments were inappropriate. Whether you’ve had 1 partner or a sex life that rivals Samantha, from Sex and the City, it’s not your doctor’s place, or anyone’s for that matter, to judge you. You are going to your doctor for a service, not a guilt trip. At the very most, I think that your doctor should advise you on the dangers of having a reckless sex life, and the possible physical and psychological consequences.

Either speak with the doctor, and inform him/her that those remarks, which probably were meant with good intent, make you uncomfortable, or find a new doctor that won’t make you feel bad about your choices (isn’t that what our moms are for?). You should feel comfortable telling your doctor any and everything; otherwise he or she can’t give you the best care. That’s why it’s really important to find a doctor that you have a good relationship with, not one that will make you feel so ashamed about your history that you might omit key points just so you don’t feel judged.

Q. All one of my girlfriends ever talks about is celebrity gossip. She has become completely obsessed with who they’re sleeping with, what they’re wearing, where they’re going, and anything she can find out about. How can I get her to stop?

A. Well, I’ll Tell You…We all, whether we like to admit it or not, have a tiny, little sweet tooth for gossip. But, like Halloween candy (which I’ve eaten 4 bags of, since Wal-Mart put it on display last week!), we should have our gossip in moderation. Between the ‘entertainment’ shows (even entire channels), the magazines, and the websites (hi, Perez!), it’s hard not to get caught up in the ‘who just got out of rehab and had a midnight rendezvous with whom’. We get bombarded with celebrities 24/7. What we can do is look the other way occasionally (I know, it’s hard, but back away from the US weekly). Bring up different topics whenever your friend goes on her celebrity binge with you. Ask her about her job, family, or sig. other. Tell her that you just want to talk about regular stuff for a little while. I think we could all use a break from celebrity on-goings, and as soon as I finish with this last gossip rag, I’m going to take one (oh, and let me know if your friend heard about me having a midnight rendezvous after I got out of rehab! Just kidding…I’m discreet about my rendezvousing!).

Q. I overheard my 13 year old talking with her friends about sex; one of the friends, a 14 year old, has had sex and is endorsing it to the other girls. I lost my virginity when I was around her age, and don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I’m thinking of putting an end to her friendship, and keeping a closer watch on her for a while. Suggestions?

A. Well, I’ll Tell You…First, I’m not sure that I would put the kibosh on the friendship. The girl sounds like she might be a bad influence, but if you try to control your little lady’s friendships, she may rebel, which girls are prone to do as they become teens. Perhaps, you should have a sit down with your daughter and have ‘the talk’ with her, if you haven’t already. Let her know that you were very young when you lost your virginity, and that you regret it; and that just because her friends are doing this, it’s way too young for her to thing about it. Ask her about her feelings and thoughts about sex and boys, as well as what she thinks about her friend’s actions. The key is to keep everything open and honest with her, without trying to be cool or be her pal about things, or without being controlling, since you don’t want to push her away. Instead of trying to cut her ‘advanced’ friend out of your daughter’s life, maybe there are other friends that you could try to encourage her to hang out with, by taking them out for an activity that’s just for them, maybe pedicures or something that will help them bond together. This way you’re not necessarily forcing her to choose or to get rid of the other friend, and you might even help forge a stronger relationship with someone who is more on the same page as your daughter.
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Well, I'll Tell You . . . Advice from an average girl is written by Kit Sheppard. If you would like to submit questions or request advice from Kit please email her directly at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .