Advice from an average girl

By Kit Sheppard

Q. Recently my boyfriend started working out all the time and I feel like I never see him anymore. I’m happy that he has found a pastime that he has really gotten into, but he goes every night, and every morning on the weekends. I’m starting to feel like he’s trying to keep away from me. What do you think?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…First of all, is he gay? My best friend is gay, and he’s totally obsessed with his body. That aside, maybe you should offer to go with him sometime. A little extra cardio never hurt anyone (well, I’m sure it’s hurt someone, maybe the elderly, but generally speaking, Americans are grossly overweight on the whole, it wouldn’t hurt any of us to get in a little extra activity!). If you take interest in what he likes to do, he may see it as a sign of support, and it would be something you could do together from time to time. If he freaks out, and is opposed to the idea of you tagging along, maybe he’s not going to the gym at all, or there’s someone else that’s getting his heart pumping. Just be honest with him and tell him that you feel like you’re not getting enough quality time with him.

Perhaps the two of you can set aside a specific time each week to do something together. But if he blows your concerns off, it may be a deeper issue involved. Don’t do anything rash, but don’t be naïve about things either. If says he’s in the gym everyday, and doesn’t look like he’s been to the gym everyday, there may be something else he’s getting into on a regular basis.

Q. A girl that used to be just a booty call to my boyfriend calls him all the time. He says they’re just friends, but I’m not comfortable with it. What should I do?

A. Well, I’ll tell you…I had to deal with this very thing a few years ago when my boyfriend and I got together. I was torn between my insecurity from her frequent calls and my desire to not be a controlling girlfriend. Perhaps you should talk to him and let him know how you feel. He’s going to say something along the lines of either A) we’re just friends now, you don’t have anything to worry about I’m with the person that I want, or B) I don’t tell you who can and can’t call you and I expect to be treated the same way. I don’t try to dictate your friends.

If his reply is A, then you should let him know that you understand that he wants to maintain the friendship, and you trust him, but you don’t know or trust her. It’s sad, but some women don’t respect the relationships of others, and she won’t care that he’s seeing someone else. Let him know that you’re not comfortable with her constant calling and would appreciate if he limited his contact with someone he used to have no strings attached sex with. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and you were talking to an ex all the time. If his reply is B, he’s probably still harboring some sort of lust for this woman, and you should let him know that if he respects you and the relationship as much as he respects his relationship with her, he will try to make some sort of compromise. If he still wants to keep her around, it may be time for you to leave him alone.

Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We have had our share of problems; I cheated in the beginning, but we’ve moved past it. My problem is that my girlfriend’s roommate has started making passes at me, and she makes comments that make me uncomfortable (she’s even said that she overheard my girlfriend and I getting busy and it turned her on!). What do I do? My girlfriend and I have built our trust back, but it’s still delicate; I don’t want her to think I have been up to no good with her roommate

A. Well, I’ll tell you…You should have told her the very first time her skanky roommate tried to make a move on you (but you didn’t so we won’t harp on that)! You have to tell your girl what’s going on, and fast. It could go one of two ways. 1) She believes you and rips her roommate a new one, and both of you are stronger than ever. At some point, she may ask you exactly what happened and she’ll want to know if you were into the roommate or considered giving in to the temptation- be strong, reassure her that it never crossed your mind (even if the roommate is a super hot lingerie model, no, especially if the roommate is super hot- in fact, tell your girlfriend that you felt sorry for the roommate that she had to go so low to try to get a guy’s attention!). Scenario 2 depends solely on how close your girl and her roommate are. You rat the roommate out, she denies it and plays the BFF card. She may even turn the tables and say you hit on her and cite the fact that you’ve cheated in the past (which is why you should’ve told your girl as soon as this happened, but whatever). If this happens, it’s pretty much your word against the skank’s. Then, it’s all a matter of how well you have rebuilt the trust in the relationship.

I will mention that it may not even have anything to do with you. Sometimes, when girls are mad, it gets really ugly, and hitting below the belt happens. The roommate may be pissed at something your girlfriend did and is using you to fight dirty. My advice to your girlfriend is to get a new roommate, preferably a loyal, unattractive one (but be careful, this may be her opportunity to try and move in with you!)
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Well, I'll Tell You . . . Advice from an average girl is written by Kit Sheppard. If you would like to submit questions or request advice from Kit please email her directly at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .