| Front Office Girl |
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Written by Thekla M. Spencer Are you having the romance of your dreams right now? Has the man you have waited all these years for finally arrived? Is he attentive, receptive, warm, loving, full of surprises and gives you PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) by the score? One more question. Do you only encounter this “heat” between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.? If you answered yes to all these questions then it’s quite possible that you are caught up in being a “Front Office Girl”. Allow me to unpack this process for you. I’m sure this whole encounter started off innocently enough. Either you or he was new to the office. You hit it off almost instantly. His conversation was positive and effervescent - heavily spiced with compliments. He spoke of having a significant other maybe once, but rarely spoke of “her” during “your time”. He was forthcoming all right, yet remained reserved. He was so reliable that there was an air of mystique when he wasn’t. In other words, even his mistakes were appealing! Before you knew it, you became the envy of the both the office men and women, and since you didn’t know what more you could ask God or man for, you didn’t.Ok. That’s the movie version. Let’s do the real. You’ve been eating lunch together for over a year now and, while he has your land, cell and fax numbers, you are pretty sure that the IRS gets more calls from him on weekends and holidays than you do. You make sure he knows what you do every weekend (because you are trying so hard to show him that you are available) but he never asks you out. He knows about your past, more than you actually intended to share with any man, but you only know some of his, and not in great detail; lots of pieces missing and time lapses. Your office love has a roving eye, doesn’t he? He’s not as attentive to you outside of the office setting, is he? Out of a hundred people in the office, 98 would bet money that the two of you are “banging it on the reg{ular}”, and the other 2 would bet the same if they were not out on extended sick leave. You wish you and he were more intimate! But the only thing touching between you two are the Hallmark cards you gave each other for your birthdays. Is the complete profile shaping up now? Do you often wonder why, after the 5 o’clock whistle blows, your “services” are no longer needed? Let’s not get into the over-tweaked-to-the-point-of-paranoia“DL Brother” Syndrome. We won’t even subpoena the guy on his sexuality. And, you’ve done your homework. This brother is not married – but he is hiding something or someone, and moreover, he is using you as a front to help him hide at the office.
In speaking with girlfriends, this type of 9-5 jive is happening more often these days, Ladies. Please don’t beat yourself up. How do we attract this kind of brother? Let’s profile ourselves.
You are probably self-sufficient, self-respecting and a woman of high moral standards. You’re high maintenance, but low self-esteem, and you haven’t yet dealt with your loneliness issues. Therefore, his constant yet respectful comments about your superior posterior and your heart attack rack set very well with your value position. Not pressuring you into bed or with a barrage of phone calls appealed to your spiritual standards. You thought (one time at least) that this was God’s way of “keeping” you. So, you reciprocated his respect by signing the same no-contact clause. You don’t need much material from this brother because your own chips are stacked up. Then, there were the excuses you made for him. If he didn’t show up for lunch, you didn’t question him. If he didn’t bother to offer you a ride home after the two of you attended an event together, you figured he had a prior engagement. After all, you’re thinking, “He is not my man!” Come on, now! The only way a man can’t see what an outstanding woman you are in ten seconds or less is because he got hit by a bus right after you said, “Hello!” Something is amiss, Miss.
This might pinch a bit, Ladies, but I intend to finish what I started. I am so sorry to inform you that this man was looking for an easy target his/your first day of work and you happened to wear your favorite D&G blouse with the big red circle on the front. The bottom line is you were exactly what he was looking for. Look up the job description for “Front Office Girl”, scroll down and click on your name.
If you decide today or tomorrow not to deal with Shady-Grady any longer, please do not be surprised when he chooses another “shield”. Warn the new girl if you may, but she will not listen. Let’s give credit where credit is due. This guy is more committed to practicing his coverup than you are committed to your Kegel exercises. He’s a professional. Afterall, he hooked you, didn’t he?
We’re all mature enough to be aware of gender games in the common workplace. That’s old news. However, even though each office culture is different, the games are usually the same. On one of your personal maintenance weekends, pick up a copy of, “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and increase your male relationship awareness. One of my best friends suggested the book and it helped me to understand that high maintenance is not just physical, it’s mental, too! If you’re caught up in anything similar to what I have revealed here, think about it like this, while you’re “frontin’” for this guy, there may be someone else at the office watching who would really love to spend time with you. I had to learn the hard way.
P.S. Go to therapy! |
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