Every time this commercial comes on the tv I literally cringe. I grit my teeth so hard and cause such pain I actually emit a sound much like that of a mother whale who has just witnessed the shark attack of her calf. You know the sound. It’s a high pitched whine; really hurts your ears, and if I’m correct can only be picked up by sonar. Yeah- that’s the one.

I can never quite figure out if I’m mad about it or just in a stupefied state of disbelief when I see it. Why are women’s issues so trite? Ha, ha, ha. Where's the commercial proclaiming "Prostate problems? Walk it off."
I swear I’d have preferred the announcer say, " Look we know you’re miserable and we’re not gonna do a damn thing about it, so pull your big girl panties up, get on with your life, oh, and while you're out there, buy our product”.

Someone came up with this idea and couldn’t wait to get to the Monday morning think tank with this gem. They huddled around their corporate boardroom table, gorging themselves on the free bagel tray and all agreed this would be a neat way to advertise their product? Where can I locate this group of rocket scientists? Please, somebody hold me back.

He’ll also need a blinding headache and one big zit, cause I’m not playing. I want everyone in his universe to get on his very last nerve, and the normally melodic voices of his children to now resonate in his brain like the buzzing of a dentist’s drill. I want him to have a stupid signifigant other who'll say "well this normally doesn't get on your nerves".

Well, as a matter of fact, it does get on my nerves - honey. It's just usually I can control the urge to tell you I feel I married beneath me, your parents make me sick, and your brother is sleeping with the cashier from the market. Feeling "happy" yet?

Lastly, I want him to know the uncontrollable need for a Snickers bar, Midol, bag of Fritos, a pack of smokes, and a box of wine - all before noon. Yeah, I said smokes and a box people. You think now’s a good time to discuss bad habits with me?

Well it’s not - cause I need to polish off this box of wine. Now, I’m having a “happy period”.

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L.D. Lee is the proud mother of two daughters, ages 28 and 6. A single mom, she works as a Patient Services Coordinator during the day and as a freelance writer late into the night.